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by Kim
If your self-esteem is high, you are more likely to be confident and feel like you can take on the world. However, on the other hand, low self-esteem can have a negative impact on your relationships, feeling of self-worth, how you express yourself, and what choices you make in life.
Self-esteem, by definition, refers to how you think and feel about yourself on a conscious and unconscious level.
You may struggle with low self-confidence for many reasons, such as:
- peer pressure from others
- high expectations from parents
- relationships difficulties, such as divorce
- PTSD
- Feelings of loneliness
- internalised shame
- specific mental health issues
- other cultural and societal messages
Learning the indications of low self-esteem and how to deal with them might help you see yourself and the world in a new light.
Examples of low self-esteem
Here are some signs you may be struggling with self-esteem issues.
You’re a people pleaser
Instead of being your real self and following what brings you joy and satisfaction, you may try to please others. People with poor self-esteem tend to be quiet or passive-aggressive rather than speaking up for themselves.
You feel unworthy
You may believe that you are needy, unlovable, or unworthy. Maybe you don’t think you deserve love, admiration, or a promotion at work. This is linked to how highly you see yourself and your abilities. A lack of inner worth is caused by a set of ideas that you are no good which makes you feel insignificant and cause you to believe you have nothing of value to offer. As a result, a lot of people look to things instead, such as success, relationships and careers to make themselves feel more valuable – but always remember that self-esteem is an inside job.
You struggle in relationships
Your relationships will be healthier if you have a strong sense of self-worth. If you have low self-esteem, it can jeopardise your relationships because you may have difficulties with trusting partners, intimacy and setting good personal boundaries. You’re also more likely to stay in a one-sided, abusive, or co-dependent relationship.
You have poor self-image
Do you make judgments about your appearance when you’re in front of the mirror such as saying you are “fat” or “ugly”? If you do, it’s likely that you have a low opinion of yourself because of your negative self-image. Another sign of poor self-image is rejecting compliments. Constantly rejecting praise instead of simply saying “thank you” could indicate that you don’t believe the things you’re being complimented on are true.
You always compare yourself
We’re all guilty of comparing ourselves to others. At times, this may be useful, to help you achieve your objectives or motivate you to improve at work. However, if this becomes a regular habit and has an adverse effect on your mental health, it may be an indication that you need to work on your confidence.
You doubt yourself
It’s normal for us to second-guess ourselves at times. We are, after all, only human. However, if you’re continually questioning your own judgement or seeking the advice of others, it could be a sign of low self-esteem. This might manifest as a dread of making mistakes and allowing fear to rule your life rather than feeling confident in the face of obstacles.
How to improve your self-esteem
If you can strongly relate to any of the above examples of low self-esteem, the good news is that there are several ways to boost your confidence and improve your life.
Determine (and treat) the source of the problem
Low self-esteem often has deep roots. Be honest with yourself to figure out what’s making you feel insecure and then work hard at changing those thought habits.
It’s critical to investigate the thoughts and messages you have learnt that have led to the negative core beliefs you now feel. Knowing how low self-esteem develops as a result of negative thought processes and past experiences can help people to view their environment in a different light.
Set small targets for yourself
Those with poor self-esteem frequently feel like failures and have a sense of learned helplessness. Small, attainable goals can aid in the development of competence and, as a result, boost your confidence.
One excellent initial goal is to notice instances of low self-esteem in your life and when these feelings seem to show up. Then you’ll be able to take action to rectify things.
For instance, you could try to refrain from making self-deprecating comments about yourself in front of others or complement yourself the next time you stand before a mirror. These small changes will add up to make a significant difference in the long run.
Go easy on yourself
People with self-esteem issues are often unfairly harsh on themselves. As you work hard to unlearn damaging messages, remember to be kind with yourself.
Working on yourself is never a quick and easy process. Be patient with yourself. Don’t beat yourself up or shame yourself but rather be accepting and continue to work hard to make a positive change in your life.
Practice self-care
Self-love is the cornerstone of self-esteem. Practicing good a self-care routine and healthy habits, such as eating balanced meals, ensuring regular exercise, enough sleep each night, and looking after your mental health, are all beneficial.
See a therapist
Seeing a therapist can help you identify areas in your life where you have low self-esteem and help you make good changes. They can also assist you in identifying the source of the problem so that you can start to heal, develop new thought patterns, and gain more confidence.
As far as self-help books go, Samantha Spafford – principle psychologist and director of PMW – recommends the following book: ‘Overcoming Low Self-Esteem’ by Dr Melanie Fennell.
Get the help you need
If you have low self-esteem, there’s no need to feel worse about it. You can learn the reasons by speaking with a mental health professional to improve how you view yourself and the world around you. While any change takes hard work, bolstering your confidence will help you to find more fulfilment and enjoyment in life and is worth the effort.
If you are struggling with low self-esteem issues and would like to speak with one of our experienced psychologists, give our friendly reception team a call today on 1800 327 477 (AU) or 0800 327 477 (NZ) to learn more or click here to make an appointment today.
