Who Needs Romance

Nothing has generated more cliches than the subject of love, and one way we can start to untangle such cliches is through psychology. Do women scientifically need romance more than men? Do men struggle to find emotional connections outside their partners? Where’s the data set for candlelit dinners and heartfelt declarations? Who benefits more profoundly from these bonds? In this article, we explore what psychological research tells us about the differing ways romance influences men and women. While our aim is to offer a broad, research-based overview, it is important to note that these findings do not pigeonhole any gender. Individuals are unique, and many may identify with aspects of both perspectives.

Research shows that the way we build and sustain our social networks differs significantly between genders. “Women reported significantly larger networks”  maintaining a wide circle of close friends and family, drawing strength from multiple sources of support. Men, however, are often more reliant on their romantic partners for emotional sustenance.

This difference might be rooted in socialisation: men are traditionally less encouraged to cultivate deep friendships outside of their primary relationship, leaving romance as their primary avenue for intimacy. “Masculine norms preach isolation under the pretext of independence so much so that men often struggle in seeing (and accepting) their need for friendships.”

For instance, studies indicate that in many cases, men report turning to their partners for comfort and validation during times of stress, whereas women may have a broader support system at their disposal. A report from the Pew Research Center found that while 74% of adults would turn to a spouse or partner for emotional support, women are more likely than men to seek support from various sources, including friends (54% vs. 38%), mothers (54% vs. 42%), and other family members (44% vs. 26%). This disparity highlights not only the distinct approaches to social connectivity but also the differing ways in which both genders seek and receive emotional support.

Cultural norms have long painted a picture of women as more expressive and open with their emotions, while men are often expected to remain stoic. This expectation can lead men to view romance as a rare safe haven where vulnerability is permitted. When a man feels that his partner is the one person who accepts his softer side, his need for romance becomes all the more acute. On the other hand, women, who may already express a range of emotions through their wider social networks, often incorporate romance as just one of many outlets for emotional expression. The contrasting approaches remind us that the true need for romance is complex—it is not merely about how openly one expresses emotion, but also about the quality and depth of connection that each individual craves.

Romantic relationships can give a sense of emotional fulfilment and stability (at least when they’re fulfilling and stable !). Women tend to value intimacy and connectedness highly, which are seen as fundamental to overall mental well‐being. When these needs are met, women frequently report higher relationship satisfaction, which serves as a buffer against stress, anxiety, and depression. For many women, a romantic partnership is not just about companionship—it is a critical pillar of support that helps them navigate daily challenges and maintain a balanced life. The absence of such intimacy can leave a profound void, sometimes leading to feelings of isolation or diminished self-worth. This, however, does not imply that men are any less in need of romance; rather, it illustrates that the pathways through which emotional fulfilment is achieved can vary considerably between genders.

Attachment theory offers valuable insights into how early life experiences shape our approach to relationships. Research suggests that men are more likely to develop anxious attachment styles, characterised by a heightened dependency on a partner’s validation and presence. This can lead men to seek romance more intensively as a source of reassurance and stability. In contrast, women often exhibit secure or ambivalent attachments, which encourage the cultivation of a broader support network. These divergent attachment styles imply that while both genders value intimate connections, the intensity and nature of their reliance on romantic relationships can differ. Understanding these differences can help us appreciate the unique ways in which men and women experience love and support.

A growing body of research links healthy romantic relationships to improved physical and mental health outcomes for both men and women. For men, being in a supportive partnership has been associated with lower levels of stress hormones and a reduced risk of cardiovascular issues. Conversely, women often experience enhanced emotional resilience and greater life satisfaction when their need for intimacy and connectedness is met. The health benefits of romance are not confined to physical well-being; they also play a crucial role in reducing the impact of everyday stressors, promoting better sleep, and even supporting immune function. By fostering a sense of belonging and shared purpose, romantic relationships serve as a vital buffer against life’s many challenges.

Loneliness is a universal human experience, but its effects may differ between genders. Men, who often rely predominantly on their romantic partners for emotional support, can be particularly vulnerable to feelings of isolation if that relationship falters or is absent. Without a diversified support system, the absence of a significant romantic bond can leave a gaping void, intensifying feelings of loneliness and disconnection. In contrast, “Women have a wider range of sources of emotional support.”, which can mitigate the impact of any one relationship’s shortcomings. This contrast underscores the varying social dynamics at play and emphasises that while both genders need meaningful connections, the nature of these needs can be fundamentally different.

Romantic relationships can offer much more than comfort—they can also be powerful catalysts for personal growth. For many men, the intimacy of a close relationship provides a rare opportunity to confront and work through personal vulnerabilities. This process of self-reflection can lead to enhanced emotional resilience and a deeper understanding of one’s own needs and desires. Women, too, benefit from the reflective quality of romance; the challenges and rewards of maintaining an intimate relationship often foster greater self-awareness and personal development. By acting as a mirror, romance enables individuals to recognise both their strengths and areas for improvement, paving the way for continued personal evolution.

In exploring the intricate relationship between romance and mental health, it becomes evident that both men and women derive unique and significant benefits from intimate partnerships. Men may rely more heavily on their romantic partners for emotional support, while women often gain a deep sense of fulfilment and stability from these relationships. Ultimately, the need for romance is not a competition—it is a fundamental human desire that enhances our capacity for resilience, personal growth, and overall well-being. Sometimes we also need support for these diverse needs through fostering open dialogue about the role of romance in our lives. This enables us to better support each other in building meaningful, healthy connections.