6 Tips for Dealing with Infidelity

It’s never easy to deal with infidelity. You’ll undoubtedly experience shock, indignation, anger, disbelief, and deep sadness when you first learn about the affair. There will almost certainly be many tears and a wide range of varying emotions. It’s critical that you discuss your feelings and your pain with your partner. You must also consider whether you truly want to learn the details of the affair. On the one hand, the truth may not be as awful as you may think; on the flip side, hearing the facts could haunt you for a long time.

Whatever the reason for the affair, you’ll have a lot of conflicting emotions to sort through and a lot to consider as you decide how to proceed.

The following suggestions can help you cope with the aftermath of betrayal:

• Accept your emotions

Normal reactions include shock, anger, fear, pain, despair, confusion and depression. For a while, you’ll probably feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster. Remember that it takes time to recover from the pain caused by an unfaithful partner. If you’re trying to forgive your partner and mend your marriage, don’t expect the mixed feelings and mistrust to go away immediately. Your relationship has evolved, and its completely normal to grieve the relationship together that you once had.

• Reach out for help

Coping with infidelity needs a certain level of emotional support that most people lack, and the only healthy way to deal with it is to look for help from individuals who understand what you’re going through – whether that’s by joining support groups or talking with a therapist or even family and friends who have experienced similar betrayal.

• Look after yourself

You may find that you are experiencing physical symptoms such as nausea, anxiety, sleep issues (too much or not enough), difficulty concentrating, aversion to eating, or overeating due to stress. Try to do your best to eat healthy, balanced meals, stick to a routine as much as possible, sleep regular hours, do some exercise each day, drink lots of water.

• Don’t seek revenge

Being betrayed by a partner might make you angry. In your rage, you could consider punishing your partner by talking bad about him to friends (or even worse, on social media). You may contemplate having an affair yourself just to get even. While these activities may help provide a momentary sense of satisfaction, they can eventually work against you by keeping you in a state of rage rather than allowing you to focus on healing and moving on – whether that’s alone or together. In addition, you may think twice before telling your relatives. They’ll most certainly have strong feelings regarding whether you should leave or stay. But remember, nobody else, truly know what is going on in your marriage and ultimately it absolutely must be your decision. As a result, you may decide to keep the specifics hidden while you’re deciding how you’ll proceed.

• Don’t involve your children

This is a private matter between you and your spouse, and your children should be kept out of it. Even if you’ve decided to divorce, disclosing specifics about an affair can put your children in an awkward situation, causing them undue anxiety, making them feel trapped in the middle, and forcing them to choose sides.

• Try couples therapy

If you are keen to work things out and try to repair any damage caused by the affair, you may find couples therapy helpful as long as your partner is committed to saving the relationship too. Having an experienced therapist in the room to support and guide you both as you discuss and process the situation will reduce the risk of further damage to your relationship.

Take it one day at a time

Dealing with infidelity and coping with unfaithfulness is hard, don’t try to get through it alone. Before you make any rash decisions about your marriage, it’s a good idea to talk to a couples therapist. At least if you do decide to end your marriage, you’ll know that you gave it your best shot to make it work. And while infidelity is one of the most painful issues a marriage can face, it doesn’t always mean that it has to be the end.

If you would like to speak to one of our experienced relationship psychologists, call our reception team today on 1800 327 477 (AU) 0800 327 477 (NZ) or click here to book an appointment.  All our appointments are held online, which makes it convenient and easier for you and your partner to find a time that works.  Our couples therapy is $195 per session.