Forgiveness – How to Let Go of Grudges

Who of us hasn’t been hurt by someone’s word or actions?

It may be that you were repeatedly criticised by your parents as a child, a co-worker sabotaged an important work project, or your partner had an affair. Or, perhaps you’ve been through a horrific event, such as being emotionally or physically assaulted by a family member.

Whatever the case, such wounds can leave you feeling infuriated, resentful, and even vengeful for a very long time.

But the truth is, if you don’t learn to practice forgiveness, you may end up being the one who suffers the most. By being forgiving, you can embrace peace, optimism, thankfulness, and joy.

Let’s take a look at how being forgiving can help you attain good emotional, physical and spiritual health.

What is forgiveness?

Forgiveness looks different to everyone. However, it generally means making a conscious decision to let go of hatred, resentment and vengeful thoughts.

While the words or actions that hurt you may always stay with you, accepting forgiveness allows you to break free from those painful feelings and the control of the person who hurt you. Further to that, being forgiving can also lead to feelings of empathy, compassion and understanding towards the person who wronged you.

It’s also important to note what forgiveness is not. Being forgiving does not mean excusing the harm that was caused to you or that you are condoning their actions. Instead, forgiveness will allow you to feel at ease and enjoy a peaceful life.

What are the benefits of forgiveness?

Letting go of hatred will lead to better mental and overall general health.

Here are just a few benefits that forgiveness can lead to:

•        Reduced anxiety, depression, stress, and aggression

•        Better relationships

•        Lower blood pressure

•        Healthier immune system

•        Lowered risk of heart issues

•        Increased self-confidence

How to be forgiving

Some people are more forgiving by nature than others. Even if you’re prone to holding a grudge, the good news is that everybody can improve their forgiving skills. Here are some tips on how to do it:

1. Think About Forgiveness as Something You’re Doing for You

Most people think of forgiveness as being a favour, something that you’re doing for another person. Getting out of that mindset can be beneficial. Instead, imagine how you will feel to let go, to be free from that hurt and move on from feeling angry all the time.

2. Try to gain perspective

While it may not be easy, try to think about your offender in a different light – as someone ordinary with imperfections, rather than an evil villain – and remember that we all make mistakes from time to time. It may also be helpful to note that often those who treat others wrongly, have been treated unjustly themselves. Is there an underlying reason they may have acted this way? By trying to stand in their shoes, it might help forgiveness flow more naturally and help you develop understanding and compassion.

3. Be patient with the process

Forgiveness is a practice that sometimes takes longer than we’d like. Be patient with yourself along the way. While smaller mishaps can be easier to work though, larger offences may be more difficult. If being forgiving doesn’t come easy, rest assured that it is most definitely a quality worth working on and don’t give up.

4. Shift your focus

Rather than feeling down over an experience that has hurt you in the past, instead, put your energy into looking for another way to meet positive goals in your life. Remember that a life well-lived with no regrets is better than seeking revenge and holding onto hatred. Instead of focusing on your hurt feelings, search for the beauty, kindness and love all around you. Spend more time appreciating what you have right now in the present, rather than worrying about past experiences.

5. Understand forgiveness

You may find it easier to forgive someone if you understand that it doesn’t always imply reconciliation with the person who hurt you. It also doesn’t mean that you approve of their conduct. Rather, forgiveness means seeking peace and calm in your life by not endlessly critising people after they offend you and learning to take mistakes less personally so you can move on.

Seeking help

If you are struggling to move past an incident in your life and find forgiveness a real challenge, why not chat with one of our psychologists who can help you to work through your emotions with the goal of restoring peace and calm? To learn more, call our reception team on 1800 327 477 (AU) or 0800 327 477 (NZ) or click here to book an appointment today.