Overcoming the fear of abandonment

Whilst it is normal to feel some anxiety from time to time over the idea of being left by those closest to us, for people with abandonment issues, this idea is a debilitating and chronic fear. Typically, people with abandonment issues struggle to sustain healthy relationships due to the tendency to engage in destructive behaviours that are driven from this fear of rejection and loneliness. There are many factors thought to contribute to the development of abandonment issues, including insecure attachment styles, invalidating family environments and a history of unhealthy relationships.

Common signs of fear of abandonment

Although the prospect of being abandoned is the underlying driver of this fear, there are various ways people will react to this fear. For example, many people with abandonment issues constantly feel on edge, anxiously looking for any sign that there is a problem in their relationship. This can often manifest into separation anxiety and feelings of insecurity. Another common sign is a lack of trust in other people, particularly difficulty trusting your partner’s intentions. These feelings can lead to jealousy and constant arguments. People pleasing or settling in unsatisfactory relationships is also commonly seen in those with abandonment issues as an attempt to avoid rejection.

Tips to help you cope with fear of abandonment

If some of these signs resonate with you, rest assured you are not alone. When treating abandonment issues, there are many different techniques and strategies to help you manage and improve your symptoms:

– Recognise destructive behaviours:

As mentioned, there are several coping behaviours people with abandonment issues may engage in as a reaction to their fear. For instance, manipulation, aggression, social withdrawal or compulsive stimulation seeking are all different types of reactions which can have negative consequences for yourself and relationship with your partner. It is important to be able to identify when these behaviours are occurring and instead, replace these reactions with healthier alternatives.

– Practice self-love:

A lot of the time, people with abandonment issues seek constant validation from other people as their fear of abandonment impacts their self-esteem. It is important to learn how to rely on yourself for validation as it allows us to accept and better understand ourselves, leading us to be more authentic. A good place to start is to spend more time by yourself and gradually become comfortable in your own company.

-Stay in the present moment:

It can be easy for our fear of abandonment to overcome our ability to think rationally. Often, people will find themselves either caught up in the past or worrying about the uncertainty of the future. Practicing mindfulness whether this be through meditation, a mindful walk or engaging in activities that stimulate your senses, can help you to stay in the moment and realise you are capable of withstanding this pain or fear.

– Speak to a professional:

Abandonment issues are typically quite complicated and often there are root causes that need to be addressed in order to manage thoughts and behaviours. At Positive Mind Works, we have a team of professionals with extensive experience and knowledge in abandonment issues and have the tools to work collaboratively with you to provide a tailored treatment plan.

If you feel that some of the above comments resonate with you and you would like to overcome the fear of abandonment, why not reach out and speak with one of our psychologists. Give us a call on
1800 327 477 (AU) / 0800 327 477 (NZ) or click here to book online now.