Reflections Over Resolutions

As another year dawns, the world hums with the promise of fresh starts. Resolutions are made with fervour, gym memberships spike, and journals fill with ambitious plans. This allure of a clean slate—known in psychology as the “fresh start effect”  —is a powerful motivator, tapping into our innate desire to reset and grow. Yet, while the idea of starting anew is appealing, it often overshadows a crucial practice: reflection. Instead of racing into the future with lofty goals, looking back on the year can provide a more meaningful and sustainable path to personal growth. Here’s why reflections might just beat resolutions when it comes to moving forward.

The pressure of New Year’s resolutions often stems from the notion that we must transform ourselves completely. But growth isn’t about becoming someone entirely new; it’s about building on who we already are. Self-acceptance allows us to acknowledge our strengths and challenges without harsh self-criticism. By reflecting on where we’ve been—what worked, what didn’t—we can embrace personal growth with kindness, avoiding the self-imposed pressure of becoming a “new” version of ourselves.
Instead of asking, “Who do I want to become?” reflection invites us to ask, “How can I honour the person I already am while continuing to grow?” This approach fosters self-acceptance and encourages mindful, meaningful change.

Reflection is more than a feel-good exercise; it’s deeply rooted in neuroscience and psychology. When we consciously look back on our experiences, we engage the prefrontal cortex , the brain region responsible for critical thinking, decision-making, and emotional regulation. This activation helps us process events, understand our reactions, and identify patterns in our behaviour.

Neuroscientific studies show that reflection strengthens neural connections , enhancing our ability to adapt to future challenges. By reviewing past experiences, we engage the brain’s default mode network (DMN), which plays a critical role in self-referential thought and understanding personal narratives. This process enables us to integrate lessons from the past into our sense of self, contributing to personal growth and emotional resilience.

Psychologically, reflection helps us step out of autopilot mode, encouraging metacognition—the ability to think about our own thinking. This heightened awareness improves problem-solving, fosters emotional intelligence, and helps us make intentional choices moving forward. For example, reflecting on a past conflict might reveal habitual reactions rooted in fear or frustration, enabling us to approach similar situations more calmly in the future.

Reflection isn’t just about dwelling on the past; it’s about using it as a foundation to inform and empower our future actions, both emotionally and cognitively.

Every year brings a unique mix of triumphs and challenges. By examining these moments, we can uncover patterns that shape our behaviours, relationships, and choices. Did stress at work lead to neglecting self-care? Did a supportive friend encourage you to take risks you otherwise wouldn’t have?

Reflecting on these patterns allows us to identify what fuels our growth and what holds us back. Instead of making vague resolutions like “exercise more” or “be less stressed,” we can set specific, informed intentions based on what has (or hasn’t) worked in the past. This clarity makes goals more achievable and meaningful.
If you need some support or inspiration, consider reading our Questions for Reflection

Reflecting on the past year often stirs a mix of emotions—pride in accomplishments, regret over missed opportunities, and a nagging sense of “not having done enough.” These feelings can easily lead to self-criticism. Yet, this very process of looking back holds the potential to cultivate self-compassion, transforming reflection into a nurturing and healing exercise.

Self-compassion involves recognising that imperfection is a natural part of being human. It’s about reframing your inner dialogue to focus on growth rather than shortcomings. Instead of fixating on what went wrong, self-compassion allows you to honour the effort it took to navigate challenges, adapt to unexpected circumstances, and simply keep going. This shift can help foster a kinder, more balanced relationship with yourself.

By reflecting with self-compassion, you can acknowledge that setbacks aren’t failures—they’re stepping stones toward resilience and understanding. The act of looking back becomes a way to appreciate your perseverance and humanity, even in the face of difficulty.

• Start with Gratitude: List three things you’re proud of accomplishing, no matter how small they seem. Celebrate progress, not perfection.
• Reframe Regrets: Identify a moment that didn’t go as planned and ask yourself, “What did I learn from this?” or “How can I approach this differently next time?”
• Write a Letter to Yourself: Imagine you’re offering advice or encouragement to a close friend. Write in the same compassionate tone about your own year.
• Acknowledge Challenges Overcome: Make a list of tough moments from the year and reflect on how you managed to face them. Give yourself credit for showing up.
• Visualise Growth: Compare where you are now to where you were 12 months ago. Even if progress feels slow, recognise the areas where you’ve evolved.

Self-compassion isn’t about ignoring mistakes or setbacks; it’s about seeing them as part of your unique journey. By reflecting with kindness, you lay the groundwork for healthier self-esteem and a more positive mindset for the year ahead.

The moments that evoke strong emotions—whether joy, frustration, or sadness—hold valuable insights about what truly matters to us. By reflecting on these triggers, we can better understand our priorities and values. For instance, if recent family gatherings  brought both happiness and stress, it might reveal a need to balance connection with personal boundaries.

This understanding not only guides future decisions but also empowers us to manage emotional triggers more effectively. Reflection helps us identify the situations and dynamics that nourish us and those we might need to navigate differently.

Having an awareness your emotional state will also help you not to feel locked in to any goals or resolutions you want to make. A National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine article tells us “research has shown that highly self-confident individuals will readjust their goals so as not to further undermine their self-confidence.”

Traditional resolutions often focus on an idealised version of the future. “Lose 10 kilos,” “save more money,” or “be more organised” can create a sense of urgency and pressure to “fix” ourselves. But when resolutions are rooted in perfectionism, they can become unsustainable, leading to feelings of failure when life inevitably gets in the way.

Reflection offers an alternative. Instead of focusing on what’s “wrong” with us, it allows us to build on what’s already working. Reflective practices help us set intentions—gentle, flexible goals that align with our values and allow room for adaptation.

Goals can also be a trap in themselves. No matter how positive or inspiring, they can also mask other problems, such as in the case of Luke Tyburski, a running and mindset coach obsessed with endurance races, who found himself compulsively signing up for ultramarathons to stave off depression between competitions.

Change often feels daunting because it requires us to step outside our comfort zones, a psychological process our brains are naturally resistant to. The brain has a natural preference for familiar patterns. According to conditioning models, familiarity inevitably increases positivity because repeated exposure is a form of conditioning to the absence of negative consequences – associating the stimulus with relief from fear of novelty (Zajonc, 2001). Even when the familiar isn’t serving us well, it provides a sense of security, making the unknown feel inherently risky.

Indeed, the study Uncertainty Makes Me Emotional: Uncertainty as an Elicitor and Modulator of Emotional States [ https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8957830/] reminds us “both animals and humans are driven to minimise uncertainty.” This isn’t inevitably a problem —it’s an evolutionary mechanism designed to protect us from potential threats. However, it can also become a barrier to personal growth when we conflate all change with danger.

To counteract this resistance, reflecting on past successes can be incredibly effective. Studies on resilience show that recalling moments when we overcame challenges can enhance confidence and reinforce our belief in our ability to adapt. This process rewires our perception of change, framing it as a continuation of our capacity for growth rather than an entirely new or intimidating journey.

As the New Year begins, consider trading resolutions for reflections. Look back on the past year with curiosity and compassion. What moments brought you joy? What challenges taught you resilience? What patterns can you build on or let go of?
Once you’ve reflected, set intentions rather than rigid goals. Intentions focus on how you want to feel or the values you want to prioritise, leaving space for flexibility and growth. For example, instead of resolving to exercise every day, set the intention to move your body in ways that feel good and support your well-being.
By looking back, we equip ourselves with the insights and self-awareness needed to move forward. Reflection isn’t just a tool for the New Year—it’s a lifelong practice of learning, growing, and embracing who we are. This year, let reflection be your resolution.