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by Kim
Many of us find it hard to set proper boundaries. We don’t want to offend or upset others, even if it means hurting ourselves in the process. We’ve been trained from a young age to prioritise other people’s feelings over our own, to the point where many of us don’t even know what appropriate boundaries are, let alone how to set them.
Knowing how to set healthy boundaries is key if you want to live a happy, balanced life. Don’t worry if establishing asserting yourself is difficult for you. This can take effort that doesn’t always feel natural – but is worth the work.
What are personal boundaries?
Personal boundaries are crucial because they establish the ground rules for how you wish to be treated.
Boundaries are guidelines that people develop to determine how others can act around them. They should be in place to help you know what behaviour is acceptable and what is not, as well as how to respond if someone violates certain boundaries. Setting appropriate limits can help you maintain mutually respectful, appropriate, and caring relationships.
While personal boundaries are usually emotional or psychological, physical boundaries can also exist. For instance, setting an important boundary, such as denying physical touch from a co-worker, is equally as vital as setting emotional boundaries, such as asking that same co-worker not to make unfair demands on your time or emotions.
It’s important to note that it is not necessary to communicate personal boundaries in order for them to exist. We all have our personal limits of discomfort, whether we talk about them or not. That said, if we don’t convey our personal boundaries, they are more likely to be broken and this is when issues may arise.
Advantages of healthy boundaries
Boundaries that are healthy and appropriate are an important part of self-care. That’s because poor boundaries, whether at work or in our personal relationships, can lead to resentment, rage, and fatigue.
The advantages of healthy boundaries include:
- Good mental health
- Avoidance of burnout
- Developed identity
- Good emotional health
- Better relationships
Signs you may need better boundaries
Boundaries that are non-existent or too lax are common. Check out the list below to see if any of these frequent indications of shaky boundaries ring true for you
- Resentment – You don’t feel like you can say “no,” therefore you find yourself doing things you don’t want to do all the time.
- Guilt – You feel awful for not giving more, no matter how much you offer.
- Anger – You’re overworked and have little time for yourself, so you lash out frequently.
- Exhaustion – Due to activities such as working late, coming in early, or working on weekends, you have very little energy.
- Loss of self-awareness – You don’t know who you are or what your values are when you’re not around other people.
- Worry – You’re continually worried about other people as there isn’t a clear border between your life and theirs,
If you find that any of the above points resonate with you, that’s OK. Understanding where growth is possible is the first step towards change.
How do I set healthy boundaries?
The types of boundaries you decide to set will vary depending on the situation. For example, a person’s healthy limits with a romantic relationship will differ significantly from those with a boss or co-worker.
Keep in mind that setting boundaries doesn’t always have to involve others. Boundaries can also be used to help you live a more purposeful life. Limiting our time and energy can help us go on the path to self-actualisation and find self- fulfilment.
If you’d like to learn more about how to set healthy boundaries to live a happy, balanced life, our team of experienced online psychologists are here to help. Why not give our friendly reception team a call on 1800 327 477 (AU) or 0800 327 477 (NZ) to learn more?
Alternatively, get started straight away by booking your first appointment here.
