Distress
Tolerating distress. Humans are built to experience a wide range of emotions, some of which are comfortable to us and others which are more difficult and distressing. It is no surprise that most of us dislike feeling sad, anxious, angry or rejected – however, unfortunately, these emotions are an inevitable part of life. Having said that, there is a difference between disliking unpleasant emotions but accepting them versus finding unpleasant emotions so unbearable that you are unable to cope.
Distress tolerance refers to our ability to handle real or perceived emotional distress without making it worse. Finding an optimal level of tolerance allows us to accept difficult emotions without necessarily approving of them, so that we can manage challenging situations and better cope with short or long-term pain. Those of us who may struggle to tolerate distress are more likely to encounter a range of problems including engaging in impulsive behaviour such as substance use along with other self-destructive behaviours to provide a short-term fix for their emotional discomfort.
Tolerating distress is ultimately a skill which can be developed by implementing a range of strategies
- Learn to perceive emotions differently: It makes sense to assume that any negative emotion should be avoided at all costs in order to protect ourselves but unfortunately this approach is unsustainable. Uncomfortable emotions are a common and normal experience in human nature, and they actually can serve as very important and useful functions. For example, fear is necessary to help our survival as it better equips us for danger.
- Stop avoiding the distress: Although we may want to escape challenging emotions, the more we struggle with and try to avoid these emotions, the more distress we will likely experience. Simply labelling your emotions or trying to observe them from a third person can create distance between yourself and the distressing feeling, which can serve to reduce its intensity allowing you to better understand and plan for what to do next. This helps us in tolerating-distress.
- Reframing intolerant beliefs: “I can’t cope with this feeling” and “I have to stop this feeling now” are examples of intolerant beliefs which are quite common when experiencing negative emotions. Regardless of how the intolerance to distress may have started, these beliefs often perpetuate this intolerance and trick our brain into thinking we are unable to manage these situations. Writing down these unhelpful thoughts as they occur and challenging the evidence which supports this idea can be a great way to increase awareness of dysfunctional thinking and improve our ability to cope.
- Accepting distress: Whilst you may not have to approve a situation, accepting distress allows us to see the negative emotion for what it is and change how we pay attention to the emotion. If we never accept distress, we will resign to feeling more miserable and stuck with no way of moving forward.
- Speak to a professional: If you are struggling to cope with your emotions, it can be helpful to seek professional support from a trained psychologist who has the skills and expertise to guide you through your emotional discomfort. At Positive Mind Works, we have a team of psychologists who will work collaboratively with you to explore your window of tolerance and devise a tailored distress tolerance action plan.
To book an appointment with one of our psychologists, please call 477 (AU) / 0800 327 477 (NZ) or click here to book online. We look forward to supporting you and assisting you with a distress tolerance plan to help you move forward.
Associated information:
How to Stop thinking negatively
Managing Self Critical Thoughts
Emotional vulnerability And How to Improve it
